Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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