Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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