Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
