this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize