I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
