It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
