1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
