thus making me awesome and them whores
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
