check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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