We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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