Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
