Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
