get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize