Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
