tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.