so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?