I wish i was in the wii world.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.