New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.