So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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