i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
