i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize