I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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