That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
