there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
