we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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