Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize