Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
