dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
