i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They took my balls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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