Only a mothe r could love this liver
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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