remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
