Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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