Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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