I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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