just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
