I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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