I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do vagina's smell?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
