what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do herpes really smell.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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