Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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