I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
