Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
