Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
