What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
