Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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