He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
