Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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