Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my liver is dry heaving
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize