Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
