what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin