so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.