It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important