Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.