Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
