my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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