are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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