if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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