oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
