When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
