dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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