Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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