sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
