I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
