Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
