for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize