I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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