Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
